nyssa

Alright, alright, I had my weigh in this morning and the water is working!!! I am down 2 lbs since last week. Horray!!!

That part is goin great, I am really being attentive to what I put in my body. I am really focusing on drinking my water, and have been able to stick it out and just saying NO to soda!! Yay! The other really exciting part…if I average 1.5 lbs a week (I know it won’t always be like that, but it’s wishful thinking) I  will be exactly where I want to be for the summer next year. YAY!!

The next part of my blog may be hard for some, especially mothers, to read…Please feel free to skip down to the bottom, it won’t hurt my feelings, I promise. So, my mom and I went to visit my aunt last night (my mom and dad are divorced and my aunt is married to my dad’s brother). Anyway, she is having a really hard time because, well, unfortunately my dad’s family is really disfunctional, mentally and emotionally abusive and all of that. So we were over there just talking with her and trying to help her take whatever next steps she decided. My mom starting talking about how some of the same things had happend to her with my dad (I have known for a while, things were really bad before we left). She started talking about how my dad used to forget to feed me and my sister…a lot. It got to the point where I learned how to open the fridge door when I just started walking, so that I could eat the food that my mom would leave for me on the bottom shelf. It wasn’t the perfect solution to the problem, but it was the only one she had at the time. We also talked about the fact that he would give her an allowence that never allowed for us to have enough groceries. When he would go on hunting trips my mom would cash savings bonds so that we could eat while he was gone. I have known all of these things for a long time, my dad is an alcoholic, and unfortunately the abuse that we endured in the past is something that will never go away. But talking about it last night, it was like a light bulb just switched on. The things that have happend in the past really help to explain the problems I have with food now. Those things stick with you, and even tho I know that there will always be food on my table, I can’t seem to stop myself from hoarding and binging, often like it is my last meal.

So, now that I have identified the root of the problem (or at least part of it) I am really hoping that I can work towards resolving it, and identifying my triggers.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!!

And my heart goes out to Angela and her family, I know that everything will turn out ok. It is important to rememeber that we have to have faith that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. “All you need is faith, trust, and a little pixie dust” ~ Peter Pan

Ok, so I am totally stuck on looks. LOL I can’t help it!! I know that being healthy and all of that is really important…and I really want that too- but more than anything, next year I really want to be able to run around in shorts and bikini tops.

I guess I should back up a little bit- I am 22 years old…will be 23 in October and I can count on my fingers the total number of times I have worn a bikini. I have been heavy my whole life and have never been able to celebrate the summer like I want to. Now, I know that is impossible for this year. but that gives me a whole year to get where I want to be. I can do this- I want it so bad, and when I close my eyes I can see what I want to look like. Visualization is a good first step- right?

Finishing up my one diet soda for the day- then gonna start on my water. Hope yall are having a good day!!

Ha!!! I heard that quote yesterday and I thought it was hysterical!! Not only that, but it is so true- Much of my life is that frustrating right now…but I am working to control what I can. I have been drinkin water all day today, and trying to make good decisions with my snacking. Day 4 with NO SODA! Wooo hooo!

 So, anyway….not a whole lot to report. I am really excited to weigh in this week… I am not sure if I will see any change, but it is a good jumping off point to see how to maintain and lose.

 Hope yall are having a good day!

Nys

Hey there Buddies!!

 Things are goin well in my neck of the woods. I am trying to focus on my diet…as in what I am putting in my body…not what I am denying myself. I drank 128 Oz of water today, and I feel so so good- I had a really healthy lunch at work, and really focused on eating decent sized snacks.

Oh!! Something else exciting! Today is my THIRD day with out soda!! Yay for me!! LOL. Soda is my addiction…I can walk away from the chocolate and the burgers….it is the soda that sends me down hill- SO, I think I am doin pretty well.

I am trying to get more activity in. It is a really ugly circle for me….I fell off the wagon and gained these 25 lbs…and boy am I feeling it… I swear, now that I am ready to be active again I hate my self for these 25 lbs…. Man does it hurt!!! But we all have to put one foot in front of the other I guess and just start. I am gonna try to start swimming, it is so low impact that I think my sad little muscles can handle it.

Something I thought was kinda funny….sickening..but funny- They say that good goals to set for yourself is to loose 5 to 7 % of your body weight. I think it is a GREAT way to set successful goals for myself…but right now my 5% puts me RIGHT back where I started… Sigh, how depressing…but the funny part about it is…when I do reach it I will be doin the happy dance, because to me being 280 is SO SO much better than being 307.

Funny how life works, right?

I hope you have a great night buddies!

Much love,

Nys

Last night was really frustrating. I have been whining for the last couple of days about the fact that I have gained so much weight in the last few months. Well, I really became aware of it last night. One of my favorite shirts didn’t fit…Total bummer- THEN once I got ready I was really excited to take a picture…but then in every picture I took my face was so round and pudgy…. It is funny, almost like I have only been seeing what I want to see in the mirror. So, yeah that totally put a damper on my night. So then we went out to the club…. I swear I am so sick of goin out with my skinny friends. Sigh-

SO, anyway– I can’t do this whole being heavy thing anymore….I am running out of CLOTHES! LOL no, that isn’t the real reason….I am unhappy, both with how I look and how I feel. So, I have been doing some research on The Beck Solution. It seems like a great solution to help me keep on track.

That is where I am at right  now.

I hope that you all are doing well!! Have a great day!

Hey there Buddies!! I am sorry I have been MIA for a while. I stand before you a much heavier woman that you previously knew me. Unfortunately I have gained 20 lbs since April 15th. Yeah, that is 3 months….that can’t be healthy… LOL. Seriously tho, the gain has cause me to pull into myself some what and I haven’t really been interacting much with the outside world. I stepped on the scale today and the digital reader read 307 back at me- which is sad…because last week I lost 2 lbs and now I gained them, plus 5 more…Sigh-

 I am trying to pull something positive out of this tho- I am taking this weekend to get life back under control. I am going to get some cleaning done and get my life back on track- I have been evaluating my life lately….I am so sick of the regrets I have about things I could have done but missed out on when I was younger. I think the worst regret I could ever have is to look back when I am 25 (2 short years from now) and know that I could have done something about how awful I feel and didn’t. That is part of my problem is that I have such a hard time commiting to….well…anything. Sadly I do have a self esteem issue and in the back of my mind I don’t really believe that I can do this. But, really, what is my alternative? I am missing out on all the things that I love to do right now- I am afraid to go out dancing because of the extra weight I have gained- I don’t fit into any of my clothes…Sigh…it is an ugly situation.

So, I am going to try to get my stuff together this weekend and get back on a healthy path…I don’t want to miss out on life over something as silly as weight.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend buddies!!