nyssa

Alright, alright, I had my weigh in this morning and the water is working!!! I am down 2 lbs since last week. Horray!!!

That part is goin great, I am really being attentive to what I put in my body. I am really focusing on drinking my water, and have been able to stick it out and just saying NO to soda!! Yay! The other really exciting part…if I average 1.5 lbs a week (I know it won’t always be like that, but it’s wishful thinking) I  will be exactly where I want to be for the summer next year. YAY!!

The next part of my blog may be hard for some, especially mothers, to read…Please feel free to skip down to the bottom, it won’t hurt my feelings, I promise. So, my mom and I went to visit my aunt last night (my mom and dad are divorced and my aunt is married to my dad’s brother). Anyway, she is having a really hard time because, well, unfortunately my dad’s family is really disfunctional, mentally and emotionally abusive and all of that. So we were over there just talking with her and trying to help her take whatever next steps she decided. My mom starting talking about how some of the same things had happend to her with my dad (I have known for a while, things were really bad before we left). She started talking about how my dad used to forget to feed me and my sister…a lot. It got to the point where I learned how to open the fridge door when I just started walking, so that I could eat the food that my mom would leave for me on the bottom shelf. It wasn’t the perfect solution to the problem, but it was the only one she had at the time. We also talked about the fact that he would give her an allowence that never allowed for us to have enough groceries. When he would go on hunting trips my mom would cash savings bonds so that we could eat while he was gone. I have known all of these things for a long time, my dad is an alcoholic, and unfortunately the abuse that we endured in the past is something that will never go away. But talking about it last night, it was like a light bulb just switched on. The things that have happend in the past really help to explain the problems I have with food now. Those things stick with you, and even tho I know that there will always be food on my table, I can’t seem to stop myself from hoarding and binging, often like it is my last meal.

So, now that I have identified the root of the problem (or at least part of it) I am really hoping that I can work towards resolving it, and identifying my triggers.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!!

And my heart goes out to Angela and her family, I know that everything will turn out ok. It is important to rememeber that we have to have faith that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. “All you need is faith, trust, and a little pixie dust” ~ Peter Pan